4 %

What consumes you? What do you wake up thinking about? What do you like awake at night thinking about?
For me, it's X, Y, and Z!
So, you thought I was going to tell you exactly what is worrying me?! I thought about it, but quickly realized that it doesn't really matter. To you. You may glance at it, judge it, pray on it, and then ultimately you will forget about it and go back to thinking on the very thing(s) that consume you.
I get it! We all want someone to bear our burdens and share the load. People will for a while, but they are not meant to indefinitely. We have Someone who will, though. He is usually our "last resort", although He wants to be our first!
In Scripture He tells us to "... cast all your cares on Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7.
Sometimes I get it right. He is the first one I run to. I cast my cares on Him and I take His "yoke upon me... for His yoke is easy and His burden is light." Matthew 11:29-30. At other times, I wrestle, argue, cry, and fight the most simple solution. I forget that He is GOOD! I lose sight of the FACT that He is working ALL THINGS together for MY GOOD!
But then...
When I feel at my lowest, He reminds me. It's like a gentle tap on the shoulder and a quiet voice saying, "I am here."
Yesterday, was like that. I cried myself to sleep the night before. I was sad, lonely, and felt hopeless. My pity party was in full swing. Somehow I fell asleep. It was the sleep of the weary. When I woke up, I grabbed my Bible and journal, as I always do, and sat down to read. Then came that gentle tap and quiet voice. "Write down what you are thankful for." What?! "Write down what you are thankful for. Don't hold back."
And so I did. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote. Before I knew it I filled three pages. Coffee, New Windows, Freedom, etc. From simple to deep, I wrote down everything I could think of.
Then came the gentle voice again. "Now, write down what you are worried about."
So I did. And you know what? It only took three lines! Now I am not making light of those three lines. They are things that are serious and I need to give them time and thought. They won't just go away on their own; nevertheless, it was only three lines that were keeping me awake at night and miserable during the day.
BLESSED PERSPECTIVE!
I was not awake long enough to be clever, so I believe this next move was nudged by my Heavenly Father as well.  I counted the number of lines listing things I was thankful for and it came out to 75. Next I figured out a percentage: If I take the 3 things I am worried about and divide it by the 75 things I am thankful for that equals 4%.
That's right! 4%
4% was consuming me, making me lose sleep, effecting my relationships, and keeping me focused on myself!
This was a huge revelation to me!
So now, when I start to "go there" and worry, I can remind myself not to dwell on the 4%. That's the key right there. I have to DEAL with the 4%, but I don't have to DWELL on it!

HOPE

Psalm 42:11 "Why art thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted within me? Hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise Him, Who is the health of my countenance and my God."

HOPE thou in GOD!

2016 was a year that so many struggled through.  Just a glance down my Facebook feed and people have very strong opinions that this year just needs to be done!  While I would agree the  year was difficult, I am thankful I was able to make it through. There were things I needed to learn in 2016. One of my biggest lessons was that I NEVER want to go through that again!!! So as not to repeat something we need to learn from it, so here are a few of my lessons.

1. God is good! Always.
2. God will never leave us or forsake us - truly.
3. He is not hard to find.
        He is like the father waiting for his prodigal son. He tells us if we seek Him we will find Him.
4. Sin often starts small like a seed - a thought, a whisper from the enemy.
5. Sin grows when left unchecked and will choke out the good "fruit" in your life.
6. Depression is not God's perfect plan.

Do Christians struggle with depression?  Yes. I did. For about a year.  I have a couple of posts about it. Now I want to recant some of my statements.  I thank God that He continues to reveal Himself.
I struggled with depression, because I took my eyes off of Christ and put them on my own circumstances. "Why do downcast, O my soul? Put your hope in God."  I put my hope in all the wrong places:

• people (husband, friendships, family, church members); 
• home - beautiful as it is, it will not satisfy; 
• shopping - no amount of stuff can compare to the God of the Universe; 
• job - I cannot escape life by working harder; 
• TV - living vicariously through the characters on the screen did not help
• Insert your own coping mechanism here...

For me the biggest cause of my depression was looking back! I kept thinking back to what my life could have been like.  I questioned decisions we made.  I blamed my husband.  I blamed God.  I blamed myself. It started out as a little seed and grew and Grew and GRew and GREw and GREW!
It grew to the point where it began choking out everything in else in my life.  The fruit of the spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control - do not grow next to bitterness, resentment, fear, disillusion, pride, hatred, and anger.

Wow! just typing those words catches my heart.  How ugly those things are.  But wait... what is the title of this post? HOPE! (in all caps) HOPE!  Worth shouting from the rooftops!!!!
"Why so downcast, O my soul? Put your HOPE in God."
What is the cure for despair, depression, and all the other weeds of sin growing in my life? HOPE.IN.GOD

I did not just wake up one morning and everything was fixed.  In fact, I'm still working through this.  I just knew I couldn't keep living this way. You see, I have "tasted and seen and know that the Lord is good."  I can testify of so many amazing things God has done in my life, but I allowed my discontent to choke out the memory of good.  Over the next few days I will be sharing what God is revealing to me and how He is walking me out of this season of despair and into HOPE!

There is a quote floating around the internet... "Today is the first page of a 365 page book. Make it a good read!"

Happy HOPE-filled New Year!

Beauty From Ashes

Beauty for Ashes.
Crystal Lewis sings these lyrics...
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

I have heard those words so many times as a believer, but sometimes I forget.  Or maybe sometimes I choose to ignore Truth.  I try to do things my own way.  I want stuff to happen on my time table and I grow weary.  My Father is patient with me.  He truly never leaves or forsakes His children.  In this crazy world filled with distractions it can seem like the opposite is true. 

Sometimes we go through seasons where we just have to trust that God is holding us.  Life doesn't make sense.  The reasons are different for everyone. I have learned not to compare stories.  What can bring one person to their knees can feel like a cake walk for another.  God knows each one of us intimately.  Psalm 139:2 - 3 says "You know when I sit and when I rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; You are familiar with all my ways."  

No matter what the story, He uses what we are walking through to draw us closer to Him.  I have been in a place of despair.  My eyes have been on what I am lacking in my life rather than on what I have.  I felt like I was in a "pit" and could not see above my own circumstances.  Psalm 18:16, "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters."  Sometimes we can feel like we are drowning, but God is faithful to reach down.  He sets us back on solid ground.  God used a friend, a stranger, a little boy, a song, a sermon, and so many other ways to turn my heart back to Him and off of myself.  He heard the cries of my heart and reached down.  God didn't come in judgement and wrath.  He came in kindness and love.  He truly reached down and pulled me out. 

If you are discouraged or feel like you cannot see past your own circumstances, let me extend a hand.  Grab hold and let these words help you find your footing. 

I leave you with this...

This world can be lonely, but Truth says, "We are never alone."
Deuteronomy 31:8
This world can be scary, but Truth says, "Be not afraid."
Lamentations 3:57
This world can be hopeless, but Truth says,  "You will overflow with HOPE."
Romans 15:13;  Job 11:18
This world can be depressing, but Truth says, "In Me is fullness of JOY"
Psalm 16:11
This world can be chaotic, but Truth says,  "In Me you have PEACE."
John 14:27;  2 Thessalonians 3:16
This world can be dark, but Truth says, "I am the Light."
John 8:12

Crystal Lewis video of Beauty for Ashes:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDhlTzbyFRo

For He reached us...

I. battle. depression.
      During worship at church last night, one of the leaders spoke of her family's battle with depression and how she, too,  daily battles the war in her mind.  I have never said those words outside of my own private home.  I have felt shame and guilt and embarrassment.  I am a Christian.  I love God.  For years I have heard depression is selfish.  Get over it.  Think positive.  Shake it off.  Usually a good friend would know something was off and pray and encourage and it would lift for a bit.  Not this time.
      This time I knew it was time to do more than "get over it".  I needed to admit the struggle (at least to myself) and "get through it."  For me there is a difference.  It may not go away.  I have often wondered why I battle.  Why me, Lord?  I read Your Word.  I pray.  Please deliver me from this.  I am gently reminded of the woman with the issue of blood who battled her affliction 12 years and Paul with the "thorn in the flesh" that was never named.  He came to the conclusion that "God's grace is sufficient."  This type of affliction is invisible.  You can't see it or touch it.  That does not make depression any less real for those who battle it.
      I have often related to David in the Bible.  When you read through the Psalms you hear the honest heart of a man who loved God deeply.  You also hear the cries of a heart that battled.  "Why so downcast O my soul... put your hope in God."  David spoke to his own heart, pulling himself up, with a reminder of Who our Savior truly is.  So I learn from the example of the saints before and I read God's Word.  Sometimes I just let it soak in quietly.  Other times I boldly declare it out, wielding it as weapon to fight the battle in my mind.  Today I am thankful. This battle I am currently in is coming to a close. I can see the "light at the end of the tunnel" and my peace is returning.  When I read in Colossians today my heart was encouraged.  The following verses really stood out to me:

Colossians 1  (13)"For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, (14) in whom we have redemption and forgiveness of sins.
(17) He is before all things and in Him all things hold together.  (28) We proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, so that we may present every man complete in Christ. (29) For this purpose also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works in me.

Thank God He rescues us! Transfers us! Holds us together! He completes us! His power is mightily working in us! So even in our weakness... We proclaim Him!

Speak Life

      A few nights ago, while unable to sleep, I reached for my Bible and opened to Ezekiel 36.  God is speaking to Ezekiel concerning Israel.  He speaks of gathering Israel from among the nations and bringing them back to their land.  Verses 25 - 27 caught my attention:

"Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols.  Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.  I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances."

      Although God is speaking to the Israelites, He does the same for those of us who have been "grafted in" to the Vine.  When I came to Christ, it didn't matter how "good" I was on my own.  My goodness alone would never be enough. So through the blood of Jesus I was cleansed and given a new heart.  Now, by His Spirit I can walk "in a manner worthy of the calling". 

       The next chapter really caught my attention.  I love Ezekiel 37 when God tells Ezekiel to "prophesy over these bones..."  This is such  powerful picture of God taking what is dead and dry and resurrecting it to life.  And, He used a person, Ezekiel,  to call the bones to life, to speak out what "was not as though it were."  That's what true faith is.  Anyone can look out and say, "It's dead here." and move on, but what about speaking out and believing for what could be. 

       I wrestle with that often in my own life.  There are circumstances in which I find myself looking around and thinking,  "Wow, it's dead here."  Then I hear the gentle voice of God, asking, "Daughter, can these bones live?"  Having seen my Father at work through the years, of course my answer is, "Oh Lord God, You know."  I do not doubt my Father.  I doubt me.  I doubt because, like the Israelites in chapter 36, my heart becomes hardened.  The cares of this life, with all it's disappointments, can make me shut down.  God by His Spirit reaches down and performs heart surgery.  He takes out my heart of stone and causes my heart to beat anew.  He opens my eyes to see what could be and not merely what is now. 

      I know there are a few areas in my life that I need to look at with fresh eyes.  I need to speak over those dry bones and tell them to live.  What about you?  Are there areas in your life that need the breath of God?  Speak life!  

       

What's in a Name?

He Teacheth My Hands to War? That's quite a title for a blog! Let me explain...

      Ten years ago, (WOW, ten years ago) I went to a retreat with a group of women from church. In the days leading up to it, I was reading in Psalms for a small group we were in. My husband and I were in bed reading and both stopped at chapter 18. "This is for you, " he said.  It was the same passage I just read! Verse 34 states that, "He (God) teacheth my hands to war, so that a bow of steel is broken by mine arms."
      This verse really hit home for me. I am not a warrior in the traditional sense, but the old expression, "The pen is mightier than the sword." holds true for me on a personal level.  As I journey  through this life, God's Word and my journal are weapons in my hand.  I process life by putting pen to paper.  I have considered changing the title, but nothing else seems to fit quite yet. 

A Fresh Start

      Today is my birthday! While some people get up in arms about getting older, I do not. I figure the alternative to another birthday is... well...  So, I am thankful for each breath I take.  I've lived on this planet for thirty-seven years, long enough to know that there will be beautiful times and painful time.  God uses both to mold and shape us into His image.
      This morning I read in Psalm 37:23 - 24  "The steps of a man are established by the Lord, And He delights in his way. When he fall, he will not be hurled headlong, Because the Lord is the One who holds his hand." I have seen this play out in my life countless times.
      Birthdays are a time of reflection for me. A year has past and I look ahead with anticipation to what will be.  Who will I cross paths with this year? What new insights will I learn from the Word of God?  Where will I travel? What adventures are in store? How will my husband and daughter grow and change this year?
      The first adventure I'm embarking on is to take up this old blog again.  Over the past fifteen years I have filled many journals.  I write my joys, struggles, insights, prayers, and more.  They are living memorials of what God is teaching me. We recently moved and I unpacked and placed them on a shelf in the closet.  What good is a book on a shelf? There is so much power in our words and the things God has shown me over the years are not always meant for me alone.  I hope to encourage, edify, and cause you to pause and think.
     And so here I go... I'm setting aside my fear and stepping out once more to write.  I pray you are blessed (and sometimes challenged) by what you read.  As I am new at this I would love to hear your comments if anything here is worth reading! Blessings!